hmmm

"love is a great risk.. a game of winning someone or losing urself..
just when i decided 2 take d chance on winning u,i turned back...
coz u were there doing ur best...








tryin' to win someone else.."

What The Hell.. too bad cursing won't help.

Hahaiz.. saonz.. faeta uie.. This time this week two wrong info's have sprung through my ears.. shit.. first the one that I was courting a girl hmp.. fucking mouths who spread that kind of controversy that really affects the persons involved.. why the hell would you make up stories like that.. "kung wa muy laing mabuhat kun di magbuhat2x ug istorya sa mga taw maypagmuhilom mu. ky kung mahibaw.an tka knsa ka.. hmp." wa gy au anang mga taw nga magpasiugda ug galgal nga istroya uie.

Who wouldn't be surprised when suddenly you hear.. "uie kamo n dw ni kuan" what the fuck? hmp... hope kabaw mu sayup inyong g.pangyawyaw.

a sharp tongue can cut your throat..

I dried my tears and I realized... I deserve somebody.. who would treat me right..

Yup.. its been 15 days since the day she told me all those shitty things.. hmmm do you wanna hear some of what she said?? she said that she was afraid that he might hurt me in the long run.. meanwhile even at that moment i was so hurt in the process.. how could you ask someone to forget his feelings for you just because of some lame excuse.. such as studies.. well im not saying studies shouldn't be proiritized.. but the truth of the matter is how can I be a hindrance of the moment when in the past I wasn't... yup and she was afraid that I might get hurt in the long run... In the long run??? I would not get hurt if you WON't hurt me.. I am really upset with her so much upset.. yeah and later that day... her friend told me that there was this guy who she said that she was being given free lunch and worse SHE said she liked the guy.. And she told her friend that she was "COnsenxa" that just signifies that she did something wrong.. the hell... Is this the reason?? why you were afraid of the long run?. Foolish child.. I don't deserve this kind of shit...

And her birthday came.. yeah.. I had the nerve to give her a gift.. I dont really know why.. and she came to me.. she talked.. and you know what?.. I gave her all my thoughts and how I felt.. she was somehow down or upset.. well thats her choice not mine.. It hurts to be fooled by someone whom you trusted so much.. I really wanted to say this to her.. "Sakit masakpan sah?".. too bad she already left looking down the floor.. hmmmp she said she was sorry.. and I just said.. whats the use of a sorry if the one saying it will never change.. Naa pakay pinky swear pinky swear pagfebruary 23 2009.. tsk2x wa ra d.i 2 nmu... faet.. sakit.. pero I think and I feel I have to move on..

I should not live in a deceiving box that gives me nothing but pain and deceit.. I guess I have nothing more to say to her...

If she wants me to be her friend back.. then she has to earn it.. how can you have a friend that lost your trust for the second time.. I gave you a second chance.. after what you did last december.. but still you wasted it.. a second chance is a very big thing..

Pls.. Grow up! this is not a game that you can play after you lost.. this is not like a song.. that you can replay after you heard it.. bullshit! I just wanna live my life now.. too bad I trusted you too much... I guess you need to fix your self first..

I don't know who to trust anymore.. I wont be stupid for someone any more I even wonder why I tolerated this kind of shit. may be it was love.. but too bad you ruined it all! you made me look like a fool..

I dont wanna love anymore..

I'll just wait for some girl out there that would show me she really loves me.. and not take me for granted.. hope she comes.. I will wait for her to come..

You just lost a friend

My conversation with daot..

BUZZ!!!
PaLoS: ot??
geniveb ariosa: imung stat msg
PaLoS: nanu dae??..
PaLoS: la lng..
PaLoS: mao lng aq n fil hehe
geniveb ariosa: awh..
geniveb ariosa: mao ka.,
geniveb ariosa: hahaiiiz
geniveb ariosa: anyways.. naa uy facebook?
geniveb ariosa: HAHA
geniveb ariosa: murag outdated na keu ka k0g
geniveb ariosa: HAHAHA
PaLoS: i dnt care hehe
PaLoS: i have a new hobby nmn sd
PaLoS: hehe
geniveb ariosa: wat hobby?
geniveb ariosa: hmp
PaLoS: i dnt wanna b wit d crowd sd
PaLoS: hehe
geniveb ariosa: unsa kha na aie
geniveb ariosa: kaw hap!
PaLoS: i wana stand out
PaLoS: naa mn qy fb
PaLoS: wa lay update2x hehe
geniveb ariosa: n0h?
geniveb ariosa: pag tsur uie
geniveb ariosa: add ku
geniveb ariosa: nganu wa nmn kay update2?
PaLoS: kapoi hehe
PaLoS: i find it useless hehe
geniveb ariosa: awh noh?
geniveb ariosa: kuyawa
geniveb ariosa: anyways.. watmana ng imung bag.ong h0bby ba?
PaLoS: haha mg.start nqg fighting..
PaLoS: hehe
PaLoS: after prelim
PaLoS: sugot n aq mama
geniveb ariosa: fighting?
geniveb ariosa: unsa man na?!
BUZZ!!!
PaLoS: haha
PaLoS: away2x gd
PaLoS: practical fighting hehe
PaLoS: sugot mn aq mama start q train after prelim
PaLoS: hehe
PaLoS: para gaan feeling permi haha
geniveb ariosa: mao ka
geniveb ariosa: kuyawa xd nmu uie!!
geniveb ariosa: HAHA
geniveb ariosa:
geniveb ariosa: k0g uie..
geniveb ariosa: hmp..
PaLoS: haha
geniveb ariosa: mkalagot |geeh
PaLoS: nc mn ang pain
PaLoS: ang??
PaLoS: wat ang kalagot??
geniveb ariosa: fee|ing nga d mawa
geniveb ariosa: sheeeeet
PaLoS: hmmm
PaLoS: n ben ghpn??
geniveb ariosa: mag cge jud xag balik2 sa akong mind kog
geniveb ariosa: o0
geniveb ariosa: kapuy btaw
geniveb ariosa: bsag di nku tuyu.0n gani
geniveb ariosa: T_T
PaLoS: keep ur self busy..
PaLoS: ug likay sa mga things nga makaparemember niya..
geniveb ariosa: pero after sa pagka BUSY?
geniveb ariosa: cge ko ug likay
PaLoS: thats what i always do
PaLoS: hehe
geniveb ariosa: pero mura nmn nu0n mao ang mag cge ug haunt nku
PaLoS: nya hangout with other people..(men)
PaLoS: ahhh
PaLoS: naa rmn nag magpa.affect jd ka.. pero It would be easier if you would find the cause of that haunting..
geniveb ariosa: wa ku kbaw unsa ang cause
geniveb ariosa: maybe ky tungod nka realize ku karun ra ngta love nku xa
geniveb ariosa: atakkkkk
geniveb ariosa: grrrrr!
geniveb ariosa: i need a new LOVE
geniveb ariosa: HAHA
geniveb ariosa: pero mahadlok mn gud ku mu take sa risk
geniveb ariosa: ky the feeling is still there\
geniveb ariosa: T_T\
PaLoS: haha ana jd na..
PaLoS: kbw ka unsa iya g.say nq?
geniveb ariosa: unsa man?
PaLoS: kad2 n,ingn q nya about n.yaya nmu
geniveb ariosa: unsa iynag g.ingon?
PaLoS: ana xa u'll get over it in a year..
PaLoS: ngek..
PaLoS: kadugay ba sd..
geniveb ariosa: mao na iynag g.ingon nmu?
PaLoS: uu
geniveb ariosa: ataka uhy
geniveb ariosa: nya unfair lgeh
geniveb ariosa: aku wa pa jud ka GET OVER ntya
geniveb ariosa: *nya
PaLoS: may be he realized first..
geniveb ariosa: dunno uie
geniveb ariosa: T_T
PaLoS: nga,.. he needs to move jd..
geniveb ariosa: nka feel lageh ghapon ku nga kami japun
geniveb ariosa: not unless if mu let go ku
geniveb ariosa: gnahn jud KAAYU ku mu hold on
geniveb ariosa: pero naa man ang damage nku f d ku mu mov one dba?
geniveb ariosa: ky i myself am xur..
geniveb ariosa: nga naa japun xay feeling 4 me
geniveb ariosa: iya lang g.try ug supress
PaLoS: there are three things that always happen in a relationship.. holding on.. letting go.. and moving on.. but naa rana sa taw..
geniveb ariosa: grrrr!
geniveb ariosa: kapuya uie
geniveb ariosa: haaaiz k0g
PaLoS: hmmm
geniveb ariosa: T_T
PaLoS: f iya g supress..
PaLoS: then why is he saying he found someone nga ganahan dw au xa..
PaLoS: kalma lng gd..
PaLoS: hehe
geniveb ariosa: IDK.
geniveb ariosa: wa xay lain g.say?
geniveb ariosa: tell me daw k0g
PaLoS: wla rmn xa n.ingn sa details..
geniveb ariosa: but?
PaLoS: n ana rmn dw xa happy dw xa.. nya nahan dw au xa sa gurl..
geniveb ariosa: ahhh
geniveb ariosa: paita
geniveb ariosa: HAHA\
geniveb ariosa: ge lng k0g uie
PaLoS: pero you cant blame the guy mn sd gd..
PaLoS: hehe
PaLoS: might as well move on lng sd..
geniveb ariosa: ill keep my promise nlng
geniveb ariosa: 10 years
geniveb ariosa:
geniveb ariosa: 4 him
geniveb ariosa: coz i still luv him
geniveb ariosa: i do
PaLoS: ten years is a long time...
PaLoS: haha
PaLoS: rha r ta..
geniveb ariosa: mao bya ang amung sabot
geniveb ariosa: hehe
geniveb ariosa: after 10 yrs
geniveb ariosa: if d jud xa
geniveb ariosa: oh well
PaLoS: "May be" i'll still stay single in college.
geniveb ariosa: dha nku mangita ug lain
geniveb ariosa: aku xd
PaLoS: what if n d end..
geniveb ariosa: im keeping my promise
PaLoS: he wont come back..
PaLoS: ahh
PaLoS: i get your point
PaLoS: to keep your word..
PaLoS: to show that you really meant what you said b4
geniveb ariosa: yeah
geniveb ariosa: if he dont
geniveb ariosa: ill move on
geniveb ariosa: 10 years
geniveb ariosa: hehe
geniveb ariosa: pero do you find it useless?
PaLoS: hmm
PaLoS: in a little certain point..
PaLoS: ky ten yrs is a very... long time..
geniveb ariosa: so lyk?
geniveb ariosa: wat w0uld you like to suggest?
PaLoS: that is 1/7 of what your acttual life would be..
PaLoS: hmm
PaLoS: sa aq lng?/
PaLoS: hmmm ky mao mn sd aqng buhaton..
PaLoS: kuan..
PaLoS: kip d promise..
PaLoS: until you find a reason to move on..
geniveb ariosa: find a reas0n to move on
geniveb ariosa: hmp..
PaLoS: bsn n that certain span of time..
geniveb ariosa: reasonable xa
PaLoS: you would meet someone..
PaLoS: that is right for you..
geniveb ariosa: hopefully
PaLoS: sayang sd
geniveb ariosa: thankie k0g
geniveb ariosa: are u doin the same thing?
BUZZ!!!
PaLoS: hmmm
PaLoS: may be.
PaLoS: hehe
geniveb ariosa: mao ka.
geniveb ariosa: hehe
PaLoS: I dont know pa sd
geniveb ariosa: apir k0g
PaLoS: bsta move on nq
geniveb ariosa: anyways..
PaLoS: hehe
geniveb ariosa: can u post this conversation sa imung blog?
PaLoS: no more shitty things that would bother my mind..
PaLoS: haha
PaLoS: y??
PaLoS: hehe
geniveb ariosa: the whole thing expect my favoe to let you post this
geniveb ariosa: HAHA
geniveb ariosa: *favor
geniveb ariosa: bxtah lng
geniveb ariosa: please?
geniveb ariosa: wa na xd btaw kay entry
PaLoS: hmmm i have a gut feeling... lge
geniveb ariosa: please k0g?
geniveb ariosa: gut feeling?
geniveb ariosa: wat?
geniveb ariosa: i.post hap
geniveb ariosa: HAHAHA
PaLoS: la lng bsn naay mu read nga taw..
geniveb ariosa: ge lng
geniveb ariosa: i.post k0g
geniveb ariosa: thankie
geniveb ariosa: gotta gpo.
geniveb ariosa: *go
PaLoS: hmmm
geniveb ariosa: ill check on that later hap
geniveb ariosa: hihi
PaLoS: bsn maka think to nga taw hap..
geniveb ariosa: lakaw pa ku
PaLoS: bsn imu xa pa readon..
geniveb ariosa: d |geh
geniveb ariosa: ge na k0g
geniveb ariosa: HAHA
geniveb ariosa: buh bye!!
PaLoS: bnty btw
PaLoS: bsta ma read xa..
PaLoS: hmpp
geniveb ariosa:
PaLoS: ewwwwwwwwwwww
PaLoS: dnt kiss me
PaLoS: hahah
PaLoS: aq pa g,reserve sa wedding night
geniveb ariosa: HAHAHAHA
geniveb ariosa: yaxx.
geniveb ariosa: feeler much
PaLoS: nyahaha
PaLoS: sagdi nlng gd
PaLoS: haha
geniveb ariosa: sa cheeks ra na uei
geniveb ariosa: lewls
geniveb ariosa has signed out. (7/5/2009 4:19 PM)

Last message received on 7/5/2009 at 4:18 PM

First day of class..

Yeah my first day started out pretty tough.. I waited for you at the gate like I said I would.. I waited for you for.. like an hour.. but still you didn't came.. No don't be sorry.. I completely understand.. Its always like that.. I cant change that.. that's totally you.. the one who always made me look like a fool.. but I'm not saying your doing it on purpose.. Yeah I tolerate you.. Every time this happened in the past I just said Its okay.. but deep inside I'm hurt.. I know things happen.. That's not your fault..

Also.. Yesterday.. I chatted you when our paths came a cross while we were both online on yahoo messenger.. I begged you.. I pleaded.. I swallowed my pride.. I was the one who stood down.. but still you didn't talk to me in an educated matter.. How would you feel if you asked someone.. and all she says is "k"... or.. "ahw".. or... "tan.awn".. do you think that's right?... I really don't enjoy being treated that way you for one should know.. its like you don't even respect me.. I'm upset once again.. Why?? for how I wanted us to talk about this.. but you just don't consider.. how I ate my pride and stood down to you.. even If I was the one who got hurt by everything you did I still wanted us to work this out.. Even after everything you said I still came and sort of said "I still want you in spite what you did..
you just don't care anymore do you?

In the past its like you really know me.. but I guess you never did.. you know how sentimental I can get.. and how I would try to work things out.. but I have limits.. I'm only human! Still you insist to be driven by your stubbornness and indecisiveness.. I really can live with the things you try to instill.. You know what.. everything you ever said was really so deceiving .. congrats!! you really fooled me.. you got me.. or may be I just took you too seriously..

And just this evening.. you sent me a message that you want us to talk.. bullshit!!.. You think its that easy? Maybe for you.. because your just plain insensitive and indecisive.. our situation is worst than ever.. You just don't consider my feelings anymore.. why the hell won't you ponder on what you've done?

"Kita nako aning salidaa!! Mao ra gihapon ma.usab gihapon umong mga sah.. ky you don't internalize or even take time to ponder on it! all you want is to feed your one sided self with the things that you want! disregarding of the consequences that might arise from your immature thinking!.. I thought you were different.. I guess your just the same as the others.. and to think you even said that you cared.." ;'(

Ponder on this! "Changes don't just come about.. you make them your self!.." and now what? your gonna say that wasn't you? and you just got carried away? I'm may look like an insensitive bastard but I'm not blind.. I too have feelings.. Don't let your gluttonous deeds take the best of you.. It was you who changed! not me! I remained to be the one that you came to love! and instead I am improving myself to become the best for you!.. You don't have to give me any reason.. Your luck just ran out.. you need to think.. and..


Win me back..

So Unfair..

Just yesterday my special friend came to a very premature and for me a very selfish conclusion.. She told me things that were really painful for my part.. she told me that "I" was making things hard for her!!! and how I gave her problems?? THE HELL! She even told me that I too was becoming a hindrance to her studies and the likes.. I could help but feel upset.. Well I somehow sort of.. became angry.. I could not restrain myself of thoughts that would ponder negative things to my mind... And you know what?? She told me the other day that someone was courting her.. Man and she was not glad of my reaction... Hmp.. I don't wanna curse anymore... So I just kept myself cool with the people around me and lie convincingly of what I actually felt.. And I was wondering "WHY?" why did it have to reach at that point.. to let a guy develop a feeling for her.. for in fact she actually says "your the best thing that has ever happened to me", "I love you and don't forget it". I'm so upset right now.. I cant bear the pain and the tears that I am trying to hold back.. I know I shouldn't hold back the tears.. but somehow they just flow out of my eyes everytime I go to sleep.. Sometimes I think that "I deserve someone better, I dont have to deal with all of this bullshit.. I know someone is out there that might actually treat me right..". Whenever I hear her that someone is confessing to her about what they feel for her.. I feel really upset.. I sometimes infer that what she is doing is just like two timing.. Why? because you allow your self to develop a closeness that has to reach that certain point.. Would you be happy if someone you loved had another who has developed and confessed his/her feelings to the one you love?.. If thats what she wants then thats what I'll give her.. She restricts me to have any communication with my X whom she is jealous of .. but look! what is she doing behind my back... Right now I really dont want to have any ties between her.. She is so unfair... She tells me that I give her problems and I make things hard for her.. and that I would be a potential hindrance to her studies!!! She never even asked to asked about my problems.. and how I had to carry everthing on my shoulders because I dont depend fully on my parents.. She saw me as a potential hindrance.. but I saw her as an inspiration.. maybe people are just like that.. They dont seem to know how much you sacrifice just to make that person feel she is one of your main priorities.. and how I never murmured on problems and other obstacles.. because I believed I mean she made me believe that she.. was not like the rest.. that she would actually be worth it.. and no matter what difficulties I encountered I overcame them.. because for the first time in my life.. I actually had given my trust and faith to a mere mortal... While I am writing this blog.. I cant help bit notice the watery eyes that I have right now.. but anyways.. I just hope she realizes that I am just a human being.. and that I too have limits.. I am not saying that I am quitting.. Im just saying I hope she too would understand what I sometimes may feel about what she is doing.. Women can be so insensitive at times.. They always say that men are so insensitive but there they are talking words without restrain that might actually hurt someone.. I guess this is just not the thing for me, as I've also experienced with my X I hope the day would come that someone might acutally be there and would care of what I might actually feel... Not just being inconsiderate and insensitive of their actions... ;'( If she thinks this is for the best then so be it... If she stays and keeps on doing things behind my back then I DONT REALLY CARE.. If she is steadily doing that behind me then I won't be a martyr for her thats not me.. She is just so immature.. Sometimes I cant help but to feel regret..


Yeah and last week.. She also made something.. She actually made me feel worthless.. I sent her a message maybe last April: "A day will come that I would stop loving the one that I love.. Not because she started hating me ... but actually made me feel worthless.." That quote was so true to me even in the past.. I really don't care of the hardships we might encounter... I can cope with that.. but making me feel worthless.. thats too much.. I just hope she learns... If she decides to go with the other guys then go.. Lets just see if they will actually treat you right!! You just dont know how much visual temptations I have to face each day and reject all of them because I love you so much.. I try to be the best for you and I gave you my best but it seems that you dont actually feel the same.. Is this just a game to you?.. sorry to disappoint you.. but I'm not like the other guys.. I dont want to play games... because I'm afraid I might hurt someone.. You just dont understand... You what... I dont blame you for not commiting to me... but let me tell you this.. "Sometimes the people we are afraid to commit to.. are the people who actually know the meaning of it.." They say women are emotional.. but your actually not.. your insensitive... I hope someone would give me unconditional platonic love.. ;'( So upset right now.


Your afraid to take risks... your afraid to fight for me... but I'm not pressuring you... thats your choice and I respect that.. but is it just because your afraid? or is it that you dont actually feel that way for me.. thats why you wont fight for me... Its your choice... you have everything to gain.. and everything to lose...

When we fall inlove, we always wish that the feeling would mutually grow and stay forever.. but somteimes.. no matter how perfect a relationshp mayseem.. people change and forget their promises forever... life is so efffing unfair... ;'(